So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
