just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
