They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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