after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
