my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its not stalking. its research.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
