Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
