I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
