This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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