so that wasnt chicken after all
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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