I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
