This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
