my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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