"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i've created a new STD.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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