i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
