bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
