Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
