epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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