yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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