literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We are all done wearing pants today
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
