yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
