I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
