you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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