Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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