He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
