i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
