I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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