He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
