still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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