He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
