Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
