Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
