Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
