Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
