Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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