If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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