Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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