Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
