I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
