South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
