Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
