after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
