So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well you can't waste a boner
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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