i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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