Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
