I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
