Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
