Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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