My hand turned me down
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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