I'm going to jail i love you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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