so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
