Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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