ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
