even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
