That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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