just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
