you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
