You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
home. puking in laundry basket.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
