i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
