I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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