Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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