Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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