It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
