I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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