Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
