I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
