I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
