It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
