if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
