dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize