I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
