My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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