In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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