Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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