My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
