i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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