this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You ruined the universe
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
