just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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