just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
