Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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