I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
