nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
