I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
