Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
